When I See You Now

The funny thing about your first love and your first heartbreak--it doesn't become funny until several years have passed...along with several other heartbreaks.

I was fifteen when I fell in love for the first time. I was young, he was young. I was a smart student, he was smarter. I thought I was very rational and levelheaded, while he was impulsive and idealistic. I was so in love with him, that it was okay that he was so in love with someone else.

I was stupid.

He was a bully.

"I don't know why she's not answering my calls," he texted me one night after I asked him several times why his replies were so far in between. "I keep calling her and everything goes straight to voicemail."

"Maybe she's still in class," I replied. He was always paranoid when his almost-girlfriend wasn't answering his calls. We were both in high school and she was in college--she had a different schedule.


"No. Her class finished two hours ago," he texted back. "She doesn't answer my calls. She doesn't text back..."

"Stop being paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid! Maybe she's with another guy right now! Damn, damn, damn!"

 "Stop it. You're crazy."

"Shit--you don't understand! I'm sure she's with that guy again. I'll kill that guy!"

"That" guy was Vanessa's ex-boyfriend. For some reason, Nessa was always hanging out with him. Apparently, one of the reasons was that they belong to the same department and had a lot of classes together. They broke up because he was a manipulating brute with heavy hands. I've never seen Nessa in person, but I've seen pictures of her with bruises that would put a palette to shame.

The Funny One

I tell you I love you,
You wink and smile at me.
Your smile widens,
And you capture me
In your embrace.

You whisper in my ear,
"I love you, too."
Dearie.
That's what you always
Called me.

Darker, Darker, Light on the Door

One is blind, when he cannot see.
As he grasp on nothing,
And whispers on the wrong corner.
He sees nothing.
But he feels you.

What the eye cannot fathom,
His mind imagines.
With the palm of his hands,
He sculpts and create.
Though it gets darker and darker.

A Frozen Heart

 Leaves were falling everywhere
When we first said 'hi' 'hello.'
I smiled. You stared.
Leaves kept falling;
The wind blew to and fro,
Un-minding.
And we didn't care.

Rain was falling from heavy clouds
That night you said 'I love you.'
I couldn't answer;
Do I love you?
You said you will wait
As you pulled me
Under your umbrella.