I Hope You Hurt

I have this fear in my heart

That no matter how much I wait,

You’re not going to come.

You’ll remain deaf and blind to my calls.

To my letters.

Maybe they remain unopened.

Unread.

Abandoned somewhere.

Like the way you abandoned me,

That day you said

We’ll meet again.

I must be a million and a half

FOOL.

To believe someone like you.

You are nice.

A nicer person I haven’t met.

Everyone loves you the best.

I love you the best.

Very respectful,

Very loving,

Very humble,

Very honest,

Except when you said a half goodbye.

Goodbye for now,

We’ll meet again soon.

But how soon is your soon?

You never said.

You left me hanging over the bridge

Unable to move

Unable to forget

Unable to unlove you,

You sadistic nice person.

Now I am at that stage when I hate you.

I hate you so much.

I hate you so much it hurts

That I wait for your every moment.

That I make up reasons for you everyday.

That I drive to the airport hoping—

Vainly scanning the crowd for your face

Vainly hoping that you’re there to surprise me

This time.

This time—

Hoping I’m the priority this time.

But deep inside,

I know I’m not.

Not now.

Not yet.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I’m afraid I’ll marry my friend

Just so I can hurt you.

Maybe  I will.

Will you hurt badly?

Maybel I will.

Will you run to me

When I invite you

You sadistic nice person?

I love you

Good bye.

##

RM