I hated the late nights for so many years,
When you would knock loudly while coughing.
Even more when I smell the smoke.
I would often think,
Doesn't he care that folks are already sleeping
And his foul smell rouses asthma attacks?
How can he not care about this family?
Then you left so suddenly,
Without warning, and with great heartache.
How can you leave with only a
"I'll see you tonight. Take care of your siblings."
When you would come back with
Bullets holes on your heart and your shoulders
Burned on my memories like tattoos
That can never be erased?
Nineteen summers of love-hate cycles,
Filled with forgotten laughters
And unending misunderstandings.
I never thought I would cry when midnight comes
And I turn on the kettle for your coffee,
Check if the door is unlocked so you don't have to wake me,
And you don't come.
I was foolish in my insensitivities.
Thought only of my inconveniences
When I never stopped to consider your burden,
Your lonely and tired back which carried
Your rugged bag everyday, without failure.
And came home to a sleeping house,
With a banshee for a door-opener.
Forgive this foolish girl.
As years passed by and I did the same
Commuting everyday, bone-tired from the endless
Ups and downs, standing ups and barely sitting downs,
My teardrops fell unbidden as I stared on the
Passing dark sceneries on the long way home.
I was tired, and all I was able to think was,
This is what you did everyday.
Belatedly, I uttered a "thank you" that I never got to say.
#RM.22.05.16