To The Muse

To the muse who has broken the walls
Of the feckless and faceless love
That I have been showered with
Since the day I stepped into the ocean
Of admiration and screams and fainting spells
To the muse I offer this gift.

Confession of love from a man
Who could not touch your face or
Hold your hand in public; nor whisper
'I love you' as I should have done before.
My hours are filled, but not of you,
But in my heart I always have you.

When I step down from the plank and see
So many faces, running right and left,
Trying to commit to square history my face
They scream my name and I smile;
And then my heart breaks one more time
For I cannot be with you right now.



Sometimes I wave my hand, share a smile.
Mostly I blank out, still unsure of the time.
Mostly remembering what I need to do
Tomorrow the next night, no rest tonight.
I want you here with me so badly.
I want you here with me so so badly.

In the comforting darkness of the car,
I give in to the tears that I always hold back.
Questions bombarding me: 'Why am I here?'
'Do I really want to do this?'
'How much more can I take?'
'Is this dream worth my everything?'

When I step out of the car, a new person
Emerges and I forget everything else.
Once again, I am the same me with the same smile.
I wave a little, dock my head and go inside
There is no rest tonight--maybe just a while.
I put you in a little box at the back for awhile.

Lost in sweat, dances, and music,
I close off the world and my heart for the night.
Tomorrow I'll remember again and break,
For I know I have chosen this, my dream.
To the muse who has broken the walls,
Please wait for me, stay with me, love me still.

Confession of regret, this I profess
To the muse who had held my head in peace,
For a while pretended that I could make her happy
Despite the cold hours, no calls, not even a 'hi'.
I have hidden you in the deepest part of my heart,
I have hidden you there, to make me warm.

I sing for you now; I dance for you now.
You are half the world away, thousands of miles,
But I sing for you now, I dance for you now
Remembering when you wrote for me,
Laughed for me, sang with me, danced with me.
I smile and wave, wishing you were here tonight,

To the muse who has broken the walls,
How are you now? Do you think of me, too?
I always hear your quirky laugh; and see
Your slanted eyes bright with mischief every time
I close my eyes; I still smell your perfume
The smell of warm vanilla, sometimes of autumn apples.

You break my heart into thousand pieces
As I talk to no one on the other end.
Is this your answer to the calls I never made?
The letters I never answered; never even opened?
They have drowned me with applause and love
I wonder again: 'Is this enough?'

To the muse of that spring wonderland,
Have you chosen to abandon me after all?
Have I chosen my fate, when I let go of your hand
That yester-time which feels so long ago.
Did the months of silence broke us over
As I chose the ocean, afraid to say 'I love you so'?

Confession of loneliness, this has become.
Leaving you like that, with a sweet sad goodbye,
Carving your face, your smile, your voice, your whispers
And odd logic into my once lonely heart.
Thinking I'll live there forever, even as we part.
Saying I'll come back and make you laugh again.

Have you surrendered and turned your back
From this man, this selfish man who chose applause
Over your quiet life, and selfless love?
This man who wanted both, but sacrificed you.
Making you wait for the words and the time.
Making you feel a second fiddle in my life.

As I stepped into the plank, I choked
On unexpressed words, stalled tears, cold smiles.
Now I write a song for you, just for you.
I lay bare to the world the love I have for you.
To the nameless muse who restored my cold soul,
Here's a song for you. Just for you.

#RM
#WFYSeries