Jane of the Shadows: Chapter 5 -- The Planning

Once, when I was ten years old, I unknowingly got myself lost in the forest behind our farm house. It was the middle of winter and everything got dark quicker. I was bundled in my father’s old hunting coat and my hand-me-down booths which were so thin that as soon my feet started to feel heavy because of the cold which seeped into them. I was only planning on gathering fire sticks and some winter berries, but as my inherent bad luck would have it, I took the wrong turn somewhere and got lost.

For hours I forced myself to walk—to find my way back home. I was scared of the sounds coming from the dark. One part of me was convinced that I was going to die in that place. Especially when I passed by a mark that I made for the third time. I knew no one was going to come to my rescue. I couldn’t even ask for help. All I could do was cry quietly and imagine the worst.

She was probably glad that was out of the house. Maybe she even prayed that wild animals would kill me. I wouldn’t put it pass her.

But just when I thought that there was no hope—that I was finally going to die—I saw a faint light. Then it started getting bigger and bigger. Until, finally, I recognized it as a light from a torch. Soon I saw the shadowed face of my father filled with worry. He kept on turning his head and calling my name. I cannot fully explain the joy that I felt then. Even though she beat me later that night for getting lost, I couldn’t forget the feeling that I had when I realized that my father—my stepfather—came for me. I think that was the time I’ve fully decided that he’s the most important person in my life.

That feeling that I had then, it was almost the same lurching joy that I felt when I realized that Grey was there again. To talk to me.

Ah, reader, that miserable rider touched the darkness inside my heart.

All I could think then was that we really were soulmates. The question was, how much similar were we?

“You!” I heard my Mayor exclaimed when he noticed Grey walking towards our table, almost mimicking what happened yesterday. I looked at him with a neutral expression.

After giving a perfunctory nod towards my Mayor, Grey turned to me and said, “We should talk.” And then as if realizing that his tone of voice was too autocratic, he added, “If you please.”

I felt more than saw my Mayor stiffen besides me and I sighed. I took hold of his hand and squeezed his fist. I turned and look up to his face. It is fine. I need to talk to him.

“You could talk to him here,” he murmured between clenched teeth. “With me.”

No. You are not in your right mind. Leave and take care of the carriage. I will talk to him.

“Jane.”

Do this for me. Or leave me now.

I saw the mixture of hurt and shock in his eyes when he realized what I wrote on his hand. Then his face became a mask of fury. I knew he wanted to hit me. To make me realize that I was unmanning him. But I wasn’t a child anymore. Our roles have change. Now, he’s the one in my mercy.

What will it be?

Without a word, he turned on his heels and made his way outside. Grey followed his retreating back until he exited the front door. Then he turned to me.

“What did you tell him?”

I shrugged. Instead of answering, I made a detailed inventory of him.

He looked like someone who hasn’t slept. He smelled like cheap alcohol mixed with the ripe smell of manure. His clothes were wrinkled and filthy. Just being that close to him made me want to retch.

I stepped back in revulsion.

“Forgive me,” he said as he, too, stepped back. “I heard that you are about to leave so I came here as fast as I could without care about my appearance.”

I just stared at his tormented eyes. He stared back.

Suddenly, I found the tableau we presented quite funny and a real smile broke from my lips. His eyes widened and then turned into a deeper hue of grey.

Almost as if it was in slow motion, his arm stretched out and took hold of mine. I nodded and allowed him to pull me. When we reached the stairs, I directed him to the room that we had the night before. When we passed by a chambermaid, I motioned for a tub of hot water.

Soon we were inside the room and neither of us were talking. Not that I could, of course. But even without the words, we understood the pressure that was pulling us together. The tips of my hands were tingling. I could see the sudden uneven pulse on his neck. I could hear the raggedness of his pulse.

I almost gave in when he tugged to pull me closer, but I was once again assaulted by his smell and I resisted. Fortunately, we heard the knock before he could try again.

It was the chambermaid earlier bringing a slipper tub inside the room. She somewhat resembled the girl who took care of me in the dead of the night and I assumed that they were related. But this girl did not look simple. Even though her eyes avoided mine, I knew she understood what was happening. I almost smiled.

Grey turned to me with questioning eyes as the maid busied herself in putting hot water into the tub. I felt for my slate and wrote. “We can talk after you’ve taken a bath.”

This induced a warm, masculine laugh from Grey which teased a smile out of me once again.

“Alright, princess. I’ll do what you want. If you’ll promise me you won’t leave this room.”

I leveled him a glance and nodded.

Remaining faithful to his gentlemanly behavior, Grey escorted me to the faded wing chair besides the bed and bid me to seat. I almost grimaced when my bottom came into contact with the seat. How long would the discomfort last? The bleeding has thankfully almost stopped since this morning, but the pain remained. I was getting tired of it.

“Do you want to join me?”

His low voice brought me out of my musings. I realized that I’ve been staring through him the whole time and the glitter in his eyes confirmed it. Instead of getting embarrassed, I reveled at his body that could barely fit in the slipper tub.

He looked like a young Adonis. I have seen texts in the priest’s library with illustrations of Adonis with a body as developed as his. A life of idle luxury would not produce a man like this. He must have stayed with his foster parents for a long time.

Suddenly, I found my heart thundering faster than normal. The heat of pain and fever transformed into another kind of heat. I realized that I am deeply attracted to this man. Grey. This soulmate of mine.

When I raised my eyes to his, I slowly shook my head. It would be reckless of me to be involved with him. At least until we’ve executed the plan that I had.

He shrugged and then reached out to get the tin container with clear warm water. It was a work of art, the way the water slid through his light copper skin. Like morning dew sliding through a petal, glistening under the sun. When I first met my Mayor, his body almost looked similar. But there was something more magnetic about Grey. A self-assurance which pulls even as it irritates. How I wish I met this man under different circumstances. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to rely to  my Mayor.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I reached for my satchel and took out my slate.

Now, tell me about your stepfather.

“Are you going to help me?”

Yes.

“How much do you want?”

How much do you want to give me?

“I’ll give you your price. And more if…”

I raised my brow in question.

“If I’ll get you in the bargain.”

I felt my body shudder at his words. But my eyes never left his.

Tell me. And then I’ll decide.

Grey grinned. A boyish grin which made me almost grin in return. But I remembered that we were wasting time. Besides, my Mayor might think to pick-me up and he’ll end up making a fuss about everything.

Start talking.

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