Nevertheless, I do

You made me smile
The first time we said 'hi'.
I could barely contain
The warmth spreading
In my heart.
Entangled, I can't
Say goodbye.


You made me cry
When you pushed me
Away, that night.
Did you think
I would smile
And let go;
Say goodbye?

To You I'm Waiting For

I wish I could meet you soon
It has been so long since my heart,
Beat high and low,
From land to sky
And somewhere in between
Stopping when a smile
Brightens the day.


When I close my eyes
I see you with your cat smile
And your sad eyes.
The careful move of your brows
As if asking,
'Did you miss me so?'

Out there in the snow,
I see you waving,
Stretching your hand
To me.
'Come away with me.'
I will.
Come to me.

When I See You Now

The funny thing about your first love and your first heartbreak--it doesn't become funny until several years have passed...along with several other heartbreaks.

I was fifteen when I fell in love for the first time. I was young, he was young. I was a smart student, he was smarter. I thought I was very rational and levelheaded, while he was impulsive and idealistic. I was so in love with him, that it was okay that he was so in love with someone else.

I was stupid.

He was a bully.

"I don't know why she's not answering my calls," he texted me one night after I asked him several times why his replies were so far in between. "I keep calling her and everything goes straight to voicemail."

"Maybe she's still in class," I replied. He was always paranoid when his almost-girlfriend wasn't answering his calls. We were both in high school and she was in college--she had a different schedule.


"No. Her class finished two hours ago," he texted back. "She doesn't answer my calls. She doesn't text back..."

"Stop being paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid! Maybe she's with another guy right now! Damn, damn, damn!"

 "Stop it. You're crazy."

"Shit--you don't understand! I'm sure she's with that guy again. I'll kill that guy!"

"That" guy was Vanessa's ex-boyfriend. For some reason, Nessa was always hanging out with him. Apparently, one of the reasons was that they belong to the same department and had a lot of classes together. They broke up because he was a manipulating brute with heavy hands. I've never seen Nessa in person, but I've seen pictures of her with bruises that would put a palette to shame.