The Fall of Your Dreams: Autumn Heartaches

          Some would say that falling in love is the best feeling in the world. And then some would say, of course not. It's one of the worse feelings. Because it's risky. It's dangerous. And it takes away a part of you that you can never get back, whether such love is returned, one-sided, or just ended.

          Naturally, the worst part is that you loved, was unable to express it, and yet you know that your love has been thrown back to your face--slightly used, with not even a 'thank you' for the use of it.

          And thus is the fate of a heart too loving, too trusting, and too easy to deceived.

          And then you cry. Not the crying with tears, but that choking cry of the heart--without tears, without outward expression, except for the lonely eyes, and blinding smile of one pretending to be okay.

          But it's not okay. Not even a little. For your heart has been thoroughly used, and yet abandoned when someone much beautiful than you has come.

          You can't even claim 'foul!' because you never had a hold, anyway. You've given freely. Bravely betting, unable to imagine that you'd lose everything. And yet you did. You did.

          Once again, another piece of your heart gone. To a person who was unable to appreciate what they had. Too enamored of what they've found, quickly forgetting that it was you who've been there through the tough times.

          No thank you, just goodbye.

Wisdom: It’s a choice

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2: 1-5 NIV

“Then you will understand what is right and just and fair –every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways. Who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, and whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.” Proverbs 2: 9-15 NIV

Years ago, I badly wanted to go into business. I was obsessed with ears and wrist accessories by then and it was the current rage so I thought that since I’m creative (Everybody says so, and I’d let it go to my head, shame on me!) I went with my friend to buy raw stuffs like beads, strings and locks. You won’t believe how much those things cost! My cash was down to half after hours of risking blisters on our feet just to find the materials we needed. So, there we were, pretty cocky that we got good prices and now have our “business” materials, only we forgot one essential thing. We had no business plan.

I was reminded of this “leap-before-you-think” attitude when I started re-reading the book of Proverbs. It opened with a father giving words of wisdom to his son and then reverted into a personification of wisdom as a woman on the streets calling out to people to hear what she had to say and no one bothered to. Sadly, it immediately reminded me how our generation today reacts like that. We couldn’t be bothered. We’re so intent on doing “our” thing—the Dream—that we forget to stop and listen to Wisdom. Not just anybody’s wisdom, but God’s.

Then by Chapter 2, it was once again the father speaking and he was now listing down the benefits of wisdom if only the son will accept it. Would he? The father was not sure. There was that conspicuous word “if.” Nonetheless, he went out to list down all the benefits of wisdom if the son would choose to have it.

You Conquered Me

The battle is raging, the horns are blaring

And I’m here, I’m here, I’m trembling.

I’m putting on armor, pretending I’ve valour

Drawing in strength I know I don’t possess

‘Cause I’m afraid, I’m afraid that they will see

That I’m not, I’m not who I pretend to be.

I’m no soldier, no fighter, no winner

And I am lost, I’m losing the battle before it begins.