I'm Not Ready

It was almost like what I imagined it will be.
That night you knocked on my door,
Said your "Are you there?" and knocked some more.
My heart beating fast--almost like a heart attack.


Slowly, oh so slowly, I walked to the door
Almost turned the lock to let you in
With the best expression of joy I had.
Midway, I stopped. I'm not ready yet.




Willing myself to turn and walk away,
I stared at the door instead, listening to you.
Hearing your soft words and compelling lullaby.
Making me want to reach out to you.


When I heard your footsteps fading away,
I almost teared the door open to follow you.
Shout, "Please stay!" and hold you close.
But I stopped myself, for I'm not ready yet.


I'm not ready for your offer of unstable love,
Not ready to give up the safety of my life;
To go through sleepless nights with you far away;
To see you only once in a while, talk sometimes.


Am I strong enough to keep you in my heart?
It might be months--long, long months.
It might even be years before we can be together again.
Could I love you enough? Would you love me enough?


You go from place to place, I stay here
You meet people, extraordinary people, I'm boring.
So many beautiful people around you, I don't compare.
I am afraid to lose you too much to accept you.


What would I do if I find you with another?
Sick with jealousy I would be.
My heart would turn dark, I could be sour.
Would you still love me then? Even like me?


You are the chaos in my quietness,
Making me giddy, eager to laugh and to smile.
You make me exciting, yet you tell me I'm your fun.
What is this that you've made me want to become?


Telling me I'm your wind, your shoulder, your other half,
But how long would it last if we don't have time?
Won't we just drift apart? Our hearts numb by the distance.
I call you. You call me. Would this be enough?


Shallow wanderings these may be,
But my heart is burdened. I've never felt this way before.
"Yes" or "No." What should I say to you?
Should I risk everything and just love you?


My heart beating fast--almost like a heart attack.
I heard your footsteps, you're coming back.
Said "Are you there? Open up," and knocked some more.
Slowly, slowly, my fingers clasped the knob... turned.


#RM
#WFYSeries