Let's Runaway

 I heard you've been crying

My condolences are late, 

For I have made it my resolution to forget you.

And yet here I am again.

How are you?

Are you in pain?

Something endless and tragic,

Like my life has been after you ruined me

And came back again and again.

Do you sleep?

I skipped a month of friendly chats

Just so I can remove you from my earshot.

If not my memories.

It's still a project in process.

Did I fail?

Why do you look so gaunt

As if you've lost all soul and control?

I offer condolences,

But whom did you lose this time?

Was it love?

Unlike what you've said we've had--

Just friendship, you said.

A special relationship with privileges.

Though they were mostly for you.

So what now?

Here I am again, opening my abused heart

And overly burdened hands.

But why would you care about that?

If I can offer you refuge in this quicksand.

Come away with me?

#RM 22.02.11

I Hope You Hurt

 I said this a million times before,

"I hope you hurt!" I exclaimed time and again.

And in my mind I kept saying,

"I hope you love deeply,

I hope you love so strongly,

I hope you love so painfully,

That when the love breaks and the emotions ebb,

Your suffering will be like a wishing well

With bottomless hope and despair."

Like melancholia found at the bottom of the steep,

Endless cave carved at the side of the highest mountain.

I hoped you would soar to the highest plains,

That when you fall, you would also feel

This insurmountable pain of loving--

And losing it.

Like a mind brought to ecstasy by a genius spark,

Only to plummet to oblivion because of unclear marks.

I wanted this. I wished this for you.

After you gave me hope, only to take more than your due.

So that you may find greener pastures,

And more beautiful views.

So I hated and hated and hated.

Even as I ached because I loved you.

Each day a gamble of whether I curse you,

Or I let go of you.

Of me thinking clearly and realizing I am breaking,

And of me not caring and wishing the same for you.

Should I go on? This parade of pain unseen.

My mind is filled with yeses and nos,

Of pain acknowledged and ignored.

I am walking forward, but I stay in place.

This is what it feels like to love and be unloved.

The tears have stopped falling, 

The heart keeps on beating with steady rhythm.

But it's all for show, all for appearances.

As all I want to do is ruin you and hurt you.

Yet I ask myself--Is it love

If I curse you for breaking my heart?

Will it still be love if I curse you with the same pain,

The same hollowness, the same sadness?

Or will it be like a tantrum of a child scorned?

Like an overindulged cat with no sense of compassion?

Will it still be love if I chant each day,

"I hope you hurt"?

It has become a case of foolishness and lack of control.

But I cannot stop. For now, I cannot stop.

As pain floods the soul and drives away rational thoughts,

All I could do is hang on to despair and its accompanying sorrow.

Letting the storm finish its course,

That I may stop hating and despairing

For a love gone. A love loss.

And maybe wish you happy tidings when I remember your smiles.

But for now, let me hang on to my curses,

Hoping you do not fall on them.

Or maybe not.

#R.M. 21.12.24

Changing Seasons

Did you think of me as the leaves fell

And sunlight dimmed as it fell through the clouds

Not bothering to brighten the darkened street

Where you turned around and left

Without goodbye, just a sad, unfaithful smile.

Did you think of me as snowflakes fell

And grew into monsters of white walls

Covering the bridge where you said you loved me

Above all else, and gave me an inherited ring

Telling me it’s a token of forever love, an answered dream.

Did you think of me as the frost turned to dew

And dissipated with the weak sunlight through the roof

As the garden turned green once again

And the seeds you planted finally broke free and grew.

Like the love you confessed with a summer song.

Did you even think of me as the sun rose

In that humid day where tears fell like sweat

As a miracle happened between two people.

A gift, you said, and warmly gave me a hot embrace

You laughed then, and we danced like mischief-makers.

Did you think of me during those last few steps

And the summers of long past, that I now regret.

Did you walk away with a heavy heart and thought

Of the promises you’ve made but never kept.

Or do you still call my name during the nights your shoulder is in pain?

R.M. 2021.06.27

Snowfall

I hope you find my soul shining

Like I see yours.

Glowing with life and laughter

A mere smile lights up the floor.

Do you know how beautiful you are?

Like snow falling slowly

On my knitted wrapped hand.

While cold wind makes my face red

And joy fills my heart.

I wish you could see from my eyes

How I see you.

Like wishes and dreams come true

Your sunlight peaks through the storm.

A pit-a-pat staccato of sighs

And you melt the darkness inside.

You’re a wonder you know.

Come a little closer and make me

Warmer.