Dearest--Come to Me!

 Dearest--

I missed you so much today,

And yet we've never met.

I found myself inclining to my right

To say something silly,

Something tart,

Something wholly not for public hearing;

But you weren't there.

You haven't been there yet.

And yet I miss you so.

The touch of your calloused hands,

The careful way you touch my hair

When I say I'm tired

And need the strength--

--maybe a little charge--

In order to keep moving on.

My love, when will you come

To me?

I've been alone for so many years.

Sometimes lonely,

Sometimes not.

Most of the time,

I'm just numb and frustrated

That you're not yet here

By my side.

For me to cherish,

For me to cuddle with,

For me to infuriate

To my heart's content.

My heart is bursting with love 

I haven't yet shared with you.

Come to me quickly.

Quickly. A little more faster.

And with open arms,

I'll welcome you to my bossom.

Come to me, love.

And let us start our memories

Together.

- rmpsd'2020

Don't Promise Me the World

 Don't promise the world

I won't believe you.

My mind is practical

And no more romantic

Than a can filled with sand

By the filthy shore.

Don't expect me 

To fall at your feet

As you lavish me with gifts.

I am not a toy,

Or a digger looking

For the comfortable

And common.

Do not be surprised

If I demand equal rights.

I do not want to be

A man.

What I want is to be

Treated like an equal

With great minds.

My opinions are mine.

I do not expect you

To believe them or adhere.

What I need is for you

Not to treat them as trash.

I need arguments and discussions

Not to be patronized.

You are welcome to be angry. 

I am crazy most times.

I am angry most times.

But never touch me in anger

Or you will find yourself

In a corner seeing stars.

Don't promise me the world.

I can't do it for you.

What I can promise

Is that I will love you

Mind, crazy as it may be;

Body, you know me;

Soul, the half of mine.

I promise.

#TTMIWM

Don’t Tell Me to Unlove You

Don’t tell me what to do

How to help you

Or show my love to you.

Don’t tell me to go

When you know I don’t want to.

When I see you down

Lying on the floor,

Trapped by heavy steels

And unable to rise,

Don’t tell me to walk away.

You can curse me all you want.

Curse me until you’re hoarse.

Curse me until you lose

Your breath that I am

Trying to salvage from

This wreckage.

But don’t expect me to go.

I may hurt myself trying

To find ways to save you.

But love, I will still try.

And I will succeed.

You won’t be down for long.

Even if you hate it,

I will rescue you.

Even if no one else helps

As we try to survive the fire,

And the burning melts around.

As my hands stumble on 

Makeshift levers on the ground,

This I vow: You will survive.

I have no intentions to die.

No. I am no masochist.

No. I don’t want pain.

But I will brave this,

I will be brave for both of us

Until we both get out of here.

So yell some more.

Be angry with me

For staying—and forcing you

To stand up and move.

I don’t care.

Don’t tell me what to do

Because I can’t unlove you.

- RM

Something Good

I spilled my coffee on the floor
This morning while I
Was rushing through
The Door.
I almost cursed--but didn't.
My heart felt like something
Good is about to happen today.

My sleeve got caught on the
Car's door when I got-off
At the office's parking area.
Almost caught my skin,
But I survived it intact.
I felt my head swimming.
Something good is about to happen.

The elevator door took
A long time coming down.
If it was any other day,
My blood pressure would have
Gone up and with it, anger.
But I kept my cool
And reached my desk smiling.
Something is different.

Everything is the same everywhere
I look, but there's a wild feeling
That something great
Is about to happen.
Maybe not right now,
Maybe later.
Maybe.
Something good is in the air.

I had a good lunch and laughed
At my friend's corny jokes
And didn't bother getting irritated
By the people who hate me
As much as I don't like them.
Then, it's past two-thirty.
A buzz on the table; a call--
Ten minutes later I am crying
Because something wonderful happened!


- R.M.

Sometime Next Tomorrow

I saw your message last night.
I tried to call you back,
But it seems you're too busy,
According to your busy line.
It does not matter, anyhow.
I'll try again tomorrow
Maybe then, we can end
This long goodbye.

Your books are still here.
I placed them on a crate,
The one we bought when
We still wanted to adopt a pet.
Shame that we never got
Around to it.
Like with all the other plans
We had but abandoned
Down the hill.

Hannah said she saw you
Yesterday, by the cafe
Ordering your favorite drink
And mine--
While talking and laughing
With your new Partner
In crime? In love?
Oh, but you don't like
Love--what a laugh.
How are you?

I was really surprised to hear
Your voice fill my empty house
When I listened to your message.
It brought back memories
That I thought I've thrown away
Like your love letters and
Cheap crane gifts
Which once made my heart ache
With joy... Or so I thought.

Yes, I went out and had fun.
And did the cheesy things
You didn't want.
I felt I owed it to myself.
This happiness you dangled
In front of me, like a carrot
At the end of the fishing rod.
Always near, never achieveable.
You were always quite a bastard.


Jerry says hello.
My mom asked me if you're still alive
Or already in prison. Or dead.
Whichever, she doesn't have a preference.
You should really take home your game,
Or it will end up broken by the kid.
Your dirty clothes, too--
They're still here, rotting.
I can't make myself put them in the trash.
What if some homeless need them?
Take them and your books.

I'm changing my number after tomorrow.
I need a change of pace,
Away from your stifling shadow
And reckless violation of my space.
Remember the hundred meters
And don't attempt to integrate yourself
Anymore, in my life--in my house
In my crazy, warm family.
You're not part of it anymore.
Don't call me after tomorrow
After which, you can talk to my lawyer.

I have to go now.
I'll put all your things outside
The garage, near the broken piano
By the patio--the one you hammered down
When you thought I was flirting
With the gardener you hired
While I was in my dirt-encrusted overalls.
Enjoy your new conquest
And make sure you check your mail
Sometime today, or next tomorrow.
It ends here, or I will make you.

#RM

Black and Blue

I turned a little slowly
To cut-off the pain
As I watched the reflection
Show my new colors:
Black and blue,
More red now
Maybe tomorrow darker.

I winced as I moved away.
Slowly rotated by jaw
And tried to put
My aching teeth together:
Just loose; nothing lost,
At least today.
I tried to smile
But it pained to do so.

I must stand, I say
To myself.
But my eyes are heavy,
Even thinking about it
Makes my heart flutter.
Oh! How I want
To simply surrender.
But not yet--
One more slide up.

Calm down,
Ignore the ceaseless pain.
One step down.
One step closer
To freedom.
What is that?!
Is that him
Again?
No. No. No.
I must go.

Ahhhhhhhhh!
No! Let me--
What? What?
I must have fallen asleep.
Passed out.
No! I have to get up!
Please. Let me leave.
I swear I will be perfect
And close my lips.
No one will know of my
Black and blue nightmares.

You will keep your freedom.
All I ask is for you
To look away.
Let me... let me--
Where am I?
My head is heavy
And I taste hot blood
Burning me.
I closed my eyes,
And opened them. Well.
I am here again.
I am still here. Again.


#RM
#TRG

Not Your Superwoman

I don't want to be your
Superwoman.
The one who dries your tears
And gives you
Encouragement
Whenever you are down.
No, thank you.
Stand your own ground.

I don't want to be your
Superwoman.
The one who works hard
To give you
Peace of mind.
While taking care
Of your house,
Of your heart.

I don't want to be your
Superwoman.
The one you call
When life is tough
And you feel so down
That you almost
Give up.
No, I don't.

I don't want to be your
Superwoman.
The one you cling to
Whenever you feel
Lacking and confused.
I am not your mom.
Give me respect
Not your dirty mess.


I don't want to be your
Superwoman.
I don't need an
Incomplete man.
I need desire and respect,
A healthy dose of
Intelligence and tact.
Add in some humor.
And you can be my man.


#RM
#TRG

Goodbye

Good bye.
I wish I was able to whisper
These words to your ear.
Find your peace
Do not worry
About me
Or that world that's
A little poorer
Without your smiles,
Your laughter,
And the tears that sometimes
Fall from your eyes.
Good bye.
I'll keep you in my heart
And cherish the good times
And leave the hurts,
With the childish woes
Behind.
Let me remember
Your happiness and
Careless honesty
Which shaped me as I am
Today.
I am going to miss you.
But more than this,
I will continue
Loving you.
I love you.
Good bye.

#RM

More Fool Me

You broke my heart
That morning you said
You won’t let anyone
Hurt me.
You didn’t understand
That it is you
Who’s poised to abandon
Me; and shatter my heart
With a simple goodbye
While you go your own
Way to marry another.
“You’re not a lady,”
You told me
When I gave you my all.
You promised me nothing
And yet I still gave you
My bruised soul.
And then you smiled.
Your one-sided smile
Which brought thrill
To my being.
And I touched your face,
Memorizing it.
Making sure I remember
The face—
The handsome face
Of my feckless warrior.
My guardian.
The keeper of my heart
Who wanted nothing of me
Except the kind of surrender
That others pay for.
I have no dignity.
I have no sanity left.
And in a few days,
You’ll also take my squandered
Soul to nothingness.
As you say “I do”
To another
And make me see
The life you will build together.
While I keep my broken,
Scattered heart hidden.
To let you be respectable.
More fool me.
I loved you so dearly--
I--
I--
I hope you die!

- RM
03/25/2020

Calm Down, Dear Heart

I am here to take your fright
Of being abandoned
Of being betrayed
Of being the object
Of squandered promise of
Fidelity.


Calm down, little bird.
Let me charm your
Frozen heart, warm it
Up with cuddle and
Delights. Let me
Care for you.
Be soft in my arms
For I’ll protect you
Tonight.


Are you not tired?
Of taking yourself
So stiffly. So afraid;
That if you bend, you
Will lose your sanity.
Stay by my side
Walk by me.
Let me take your burdens
Completely.


Do you feel safe
Now? Here besides me.
I care not if your hair
Flies madly with the wind;
Or that your brows wrinkle
As you think about things
So seriously.
Take my hand, sweet.
Take my heart.
Here, in my hand;
I pledge my beating heart.
It’s yours, dear heart.


Let me soothe your fears
And climb your walls
Of brittle heartbreaks.
I’ll take care of you, my sweet.
Keep your cold feet warm
Even in Winter’s feast.
Let my arms protect you
From your memories.
My shoulders are big
To carry you, my dear.

- RM
03/25/20

Somebody Told Me Today

Somebody told me today

That I must be in a good place.

That I’ve never experienced heartache;

That I don’t cry over lost,

What ifs—

That my heart doesn’t clench

At the thought of

Suspected betrayal

From someone I loved

So much—

So much—

So much—.

I laughed

Inwardly, of course.

I don’t want to ruin

The façade,

The mask,

The endless, brittle

Smile

That you told me

I always carry.

I’m such a lady,

You said.

With a scoff,

And anger that I didn’t

Comprehend, until

You acted as if

I am a villain

That last night

When you broke me—

And my heart.

My little heart, you said.

So little,

That it could not

Contain you.

Or your love.

How arrogant!

Are you my world?

You surely wanted to be.

You called me selfish,

Ignorant

Unloving

Uncaring.

You said I’m unable

To love—

Because I couldn’t love you

Enough.

Enough!

Enough!

When somebody told me today

That I must be in

A good place,

I smiled.

The smile you hated.

I smiled

Because I hated you.

Because I loved you.

And you hated me,

Threw me

Away!

I smiled because

I—

I moved on.

I didn’t tell them

That they were wrong.

It was okay—

I’m okay—

Because now,

I hate you no more.

I don’t even know you

No more.

3/10/2020 RM