If I Could Live Another Life

If I could live another life after this,
I'd still choose you
You with your faults
You with your joys
You with your sadness
I'll still hold your hand
Even when you stand so far away.
I'll still walk towards you
Even if the journey is long,
Even if the journey is too long,
And the distance is too wide.
I'll still stretch my love,
And allow you your freedom

Tick-Tock of the Heart

To the Muse:
How are you my love?
Have you slept well?
Did you cry last night?
Remember that last goodbye--
When you said goodnight
And I turned around with a
Heavy heart.
Choking on the emotions
I was trying to deny.


To the Guardian:
How are you my love?
Have you slept well?
Did you smile last night?
Amidst the bright and neon lights;
The music, the rhythm,
The endless, tempting melody
Of the crowd, of the lovelies
As I remember those times
We spent alone,
Together.
Too short time together.

Should I Write You A Letter?

Should I write you a letter?

A song, maybe. 

Lyrics that fill my head everyday.

You can do the music,

For I am bad with tunes

And flailing with instruments.

Should I write you a letter?

A song about summer.

Or maybe about fall?

How about spring? 

That day I'll always remember.

That night I'll never forget.

The Last Dew of Spring

We met last spring not knowing what destiny will bring
Your mind met mine; so did our hearts become combined.
We felt a mélange of emotions that can almost sing.
A single dew tapped our lonely hearts – uninvited.

Our lives turned into a mystical labyrinth; twisting.
Spring brought levity to our souls that were battered.
And we vanquished; conquering all the pains and crying.
Another dew fell on our tamed hearts – unexpected.

Flowers came to full bloom, so did our hearts come knowing.
Brown became green; in our hearts, we felt love embedded.
Savoring the strange emotion was just like dreaming.
Spring dew came rushing down to our hearts – unabashed.

Now, the lovely cherry blossoms are slowly drifting,
By and by, you’ll be leaving me, and my heart, shattered.
And as you bid your goodbye, I will be left shivering,
The dew which once warmed you and me, now all cold—chilled.

Now, the last leaf on the tree, once jaunty, now struggling.
My willow heart, once mighty, now scattered.
Once sheltered with your love, now so alone and hurting.
The last dew of spring glided, burned my heart – unwanted.

#RM

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally Posted in http://rosantheelijah.wordpress.com

05.14.2009 (3rd revision)

07.15.2007 (1st draft)

I Have This Fear

I have this fear
Of falling for you
Fall
Fall
Fall
Fall
Broken heart.
In pieces
You
Never cared
About.


I have this fear
Of loving you
Love
Love
Love
Love
Until my last
Breathe
Still you
Don't
Realize.

WHAT SHOULD I?

What should I tell you?

I hope you read this? This letter

That I have written with faith

Without humor, but full of doubt.

Should I expect that you will read this?

Or will you throw it away,

Or put on top of the chair,

There forgotten, ignored?

What I should I write here?

That I love you? I’m not sure yet.

That I miss you? Maybe.

That I hope I fall for you?

I’m already halfway there.

But I’m trying so hard

Not to fall all the way.

Song: Heartless

Intro:
Do you know how much I hate you?

Verse 1:
You left me without goodbye
Not even a letter on the desk
A voicemail, or even a heartbreaking text
What a cruel girl you are
Leaving me hanging after all that's happened

Chorus
I didn't know you can be so heartless
You only take, refuse to give (oh, you do)
I didn't know a face like you could be so inhuman
You break dreams without remorse
And then you demand more
(You're so heartless, heartless)

Longing

I see you,

I always hear you,

When I turn on the radio

Hear your music

See you on the little screen.

I can almost feel you.

But you’re not here.

Thousands of miles away

I wait for your call

Which never came

It’s okay. It’s okay.

I understand,

I’ll love you just the same.

The Rape of a Confused Mind

It should have

Never
Happened.

And yet here
I am
Thinking and cherishing
The best.
The worst.
Everything.

Whirling inside
My head, today,
Aching and wanting.
Never ending falls.

I forget and
Forget and forget.
Yet,
I remember
Remember
Remember
Again.

It should have
Never
Happened again.

Again, endless falls
Of water
From within.
From wanting,
Aching, wretching
From within.

For never should have
Happened again.
Again.
Remember.

#RM

---------------------------------------
Originally published online: 01.15.2009

Burn Those Bridges

Stop! Stop! Stop!
Save yourself and do not fall
For that sweet trap.
Run away and call backup
Get away from here
Quickly! Quickly!
The moment you stay,
You're gonna stay for life.

Dream My Little Dream

I touch your soft cheeks and smile

I remember all the times you made me happy

Just by being there, just by being so

Memories of yester years that feels

It was only yesterday

I run my fingers on your soft hair

Remembering all those times we cried

We fell together, and helped each other

All those tough years where we stumbled

But never lonely, no, not once.

Song: I'll Protect You

Intro
Lie down, it's okay
I'll stay by your side
Lean on me, my love
Hold on to my heart


Verse 1
I heard about the rumors
The way they threw hate on you
And treated you like trash
After all you've done for them
It made me crazy mad

Gracious, What Now?

I happen to love you still
Even when you often leave
Without saying goodbye
Without telling me why
Without showing me the slightest
Care by saying you'll be back.


You leave, then you comeback,
I feel on a seesaw everytime.
I cry, I get angry, but in the end
I wait for you by the door
Or I look by the window
Checking the streets.

Song Version: Sleep Well / 잘자요

Chorus

In a few hours the dawn will break
My thoughts are scattered everywhere
Thinking about you, trying not to
Meeting you, holding your hand
I feel like I miss you so

Wake me up from this dream
Wake me up from this dream

Verse 1

How to Deal with Quiet, Smart People

Yes, they are generally a pain
In the neck, butt, head,
Or whatever body parts you want
Them to be a pain of.

They tend to be perfectionists
Quietly scary, quietly judging,
Very idealistic, and most likely
Not understanding of your humor.

Eyes Off Of You

It was like destiny when we first saw each other.
In the midst of the confusing lights and darkness
I saw your face with the brightest smile,
Couldn't help but stare and stare;
They had to nudge me awake,
But I couldn't take my eyes off of you.


You were like a painting in the wind.
I wanted to jump just so I could catch you.
Protect you, keep you in my embrace
Hide this precious gem from the world.
Crush you, and have you all to myself.
Have no one snatch you away.

잘자요, 에기야 / Sleep Well

I keep thinking we'll meet each other soon.
Sometimes, I wonder why I feel so,
But when people echoes
This deep secret of me,
I feel like a door will open soon.
You and I, the night we've been waiting for.
Too much love, not enough--
This has always been our lot.


The night air stirs as I wonder in the dark.
Will you recognize me?
Will I recognize you?
When we have never met before.
We haven't talked.
There's nothing of each other that we know.
Maybe a little--what I want you to be;
And what you expect of me.

When I Am Afraid

Pushed to a corner, unsure of things;
Surrounded by darkness
Of my thoughts
Of my heart
Of my uncertainties
I hear a sudden whisper reminding me:
"I am here."


A song bursts forth from inside
Of my wandering heart:
"When I am afraid
I will trust in You.
When I am afraid
I will trust in You."
And then You give me peace
As You always do.

Remind Me Once Again

If I forget in twenty years
The way you looked when you
Were twenty-seven, your eyes
Full of life and wonderings
Remind me once again.

If I forget, the way you walked
The way you talked, the way you laughed
At my silly jokes and lame pranks;
How your face light up when you smile--
Remind me once again.

Figment

The street was dark, shadows dancing to and fro,
Strong winds propelling me to walk faster.
Faster. The cold seeping into my bones.
Eager for the warmth of my own room.

Suddenly, a hand on my shoulder
Stopped me in my single-minded goal.
Startled, I choked on my scream and froze
For a second. Until you spoke.

"Where are you going on a rush?"
You asked while rubbing my cold hands.
Shaking, I answered:
"Home. It's too cold. I just want to go home."

Don't Step Away

We promised forever that starry night
The next days were like a fairy tale
A never-ending dream that I begged for.
I did not want to wake up--
You are my beautiful sleepless dream.


The dream stretched and stretched
It was my one desire for it never to end.
Your smile brightened each morning
Your laughter brought light to the night.
I'll forever keep you here by my side.


Lost in each other, we grew closer
And closer still. Nothing too banal
For these two weirdos who laugh and cry
About everything and nothing.
Crazily normal we spent each day.


Suddenly the sweet dream turned
Into a nightmare that we could barely contain.
We held to each other, fighting,
Trying to control the fears and pains.
Wishing for the suffering to end.


Together we bent, we cried, we stood.
I carried you in your moments,
You lifted me up in my miseries.
Our dreams contained in our clasping hands.
Chasing a future, unsure, but with courage.


Limitations, possibilities, solutions
We suffered and conquered it all
We tried not to fall, time and again.
But when we did, we struggled to dream
Again. Again. Again.


You are brave, my sweet love
Braver than I--time and again.
You fought with me, for me, and against me.
I fought with you, for you and against you.
Through it all, we dwelled in our dream.


Together we stumbled, together we rose.
There were times when I was afraid,
I was too weak, and scared that you will
Run away, and leave me by myself.
I wanted to say: Don't step away. No.


Then I saw you step. Step. Step.
It was like the beginning of the end of me.
But you were there, closer and closer.
Holding out your hand to me.
You are my never-ending dream.


#RM

I'm Not Ready

It was almost like what I imagined it will be.
That night you knocked on my door,
Said your "Are you there?" and knocked some more.
My heart beating fast--almost like a heart attack.


Slowly, oh so slowly, I walked to the door
Almost turned the lock to let you in
With the best expression of joy I had.
Midway, I stopped. I'm not ready yet.

Black and White

M:
Should I stay? Or should I go?
You pull me closer; you push me away.
I never did understand why we worry too much
About what the public would say.
Let me just hold you tight,
And they will go away.


W:
Should I keep you with me?
Or should I set you free?
It hurts when we're apart, but
It hurts when we are together.
They try to tear us apart,
Yet we try to  hold on--hold on.

In My Fantasy

Late at night, I see you walking to me
Into my stretched out arms, waiting for you
For your body to be next to mine,
Your heart beating faster, faster, faster.
Then the wind blows and you're gone.


Like nails slowly embedding in my heart
It hurts me so bad that you are far away
I can't hear your voice, hold your hand
Or sway you with the music of your song
Are you asleep right now? I need you.

To The Muse

To the muse who has broken the walls
Of the feckless and faceless love
That I have been showered with
Since the day I stepped into the ocean
Of admiration and screams and fainting spells
To the muse I offer this gift.

Confession of love from a man
Who could not touch your face or
Hold your hand in public; nor whisper
'I love you' as I should have done before.
My hours are filled, but not of you,
But in my heart I always have you.

When I step down from the plank and see
So many faces, running right and left,
Trying to commit to square history my face
They scream my name and I smile;
And then my heart breaks one more time
For I cannot be with you right now.

I Like You Better Now

We were young and foolish when we met.
Playing with lipstick and bats were our games.
Your face all red and round, dirty--always dirty.
Mine was no better, but don't you dare say so.


Time parted our ways, as distance killed our games.
Books and writings became my life.
You have become a stranger somewhere.
Silence, always silence, was between us.


I saw you again in papers, and posters;
Over glass windows, and glossy covers.
Went to buy some music and saw your face
All over the place; who are you now?

Cut Me Flowers

Cut me flowers from the field where we went last June.
Pick for me the best blooms, the bright and the well-stemmed.
Take out the weeds that tried to kills these beauties;
Remove the small crawlies who tried to make their home there.
Wrap a string around the stems; softly so they won't crumble.


I will wait for you in that place where we first met.
Praying that life would be better than it had been.
Wishing for strength, protection, provision, and love;
I will wait for you there, no matter the weather.
Come to me like a dream, or a prince, or a knight of old.

Obsession: Beautiful Dream

I saw you once
Twice; then again.
And again.
And yet we've never met.
I saw you, liked you,
Fell for you.
It was all one-sided.


You are an impossible
Dream; So far, so far
So hard to reach.
I look at you, and dream.
Will we ever meet?
Fall for me?
Break this cycle of need?

Nevertheless, I do

You made me smile
The first time we said 'hi'.
I could barely contain
The warmth spreading
In my heart.
Entangled, I can't
Say goodbye.


You made me cry
When you pushed me
Away, that night.
Did you think
I would smile
And let go;
Say goodbye?

To You I'm Waiting For

I wish I could meet you soon
It has been so long since my heart,
Beat high and low,
From land to sky
And somewhere in between
Stopping when a smile
Brightens the day.


When I close my eyes
I see you with your cat smile
And your sad eyes.
The careful move of your brows
As if asking,
'Did you miss me so?'

Out there in the snow,
I see you waving,
Stretching your hand
To me.
'Come away with me.'
I will.
Come to me.